When a person wants to reach the next level in their life, when they want to understand the truths — the principles that actually produce in them a new kind of freedom — they have to know where to look for it.From micro to macro, you can discover that the whole universe is based on cycles and that these cycles run through our lives, determining our relationships with each other. And yet, there is something — which we will call Love — that contains these cycles… and it is right inside of us.Once we recognize Love’s existence and understand where it dwells, we can begin to intuit that we are all connected in an incredible living web through which we are meant to experience ourselves and learn from one another.Relationship is how Love expresses itself in this universe. Relationship serves to express both the conditions under which we learn as well as those conditions that deliver us to the lessons we have to learn.The truths that free us actually set up the conditions from which we need to be rescued for the purpose of showing us that the Truth goes before us and has always been there. So that rather than this maze of experiences we don’t understand that we try to solve or overcome, the process changes. Instead of being an externally oriented human being, we begin to become internally oriented. We understand that the order of relationship that exists for the purpose of our life itself waits for us to go to it — waits for us to understand that the relationship we have to have first and foremost isn’t the one that our mind and feelings tell us we have to have, but that pre-exists inside of us.So if it’s true that we exist in this universe that seems to be built to bring us to these truths, why in the world are our relationships — if they’re truly an expression of Love, and lead to an understanding of it – so broken? Why is there so much disharmony? If all of our relationships are designed to deliver us to the next higher level of understanding, why do so few people get along?It is essential to realize that at any given moment the way we feel, the we think, the essence of our life, is somehow connected to the relationships that we are taking part of. That means that if our sense of self, our work – all the things we call valuable – are connected to what we are relating to and in relationship with, then in order to change the way we experience life, we have to change what we’re in relationship with.This means we have a choice! It means at any given time in our life, it’s possible for us to stop living the way we’ve lived, to stop hurting ourselves and others. We can begin to understand that there are always two orders of relationship. First there is the order of unconscious relationships as characterized by nature. Creations intermingle. The lion chases the gazelle and takes the gazelle’s life. Any awareness that exists at this level of relationship is characterized by the creature’s inability to be aware of itself in those relationships. The lion does not know it is a lion. The gazelle does not know it is a gazelle. They operate from pure mechanical instinct.Human beings live from mechanical instincts, attributing intelligence to them. It is a mechanical instinct to blame another human being. It is a conscious response to start understanding. The order of conscious relationship is characterized by an extraordinary fact: that inside of this conscious relationship, we know that which we relate to — not just think about it. Its feature is self-awareness — the ability of the human being, by his or her attention, to be aware of something, and when that human being feels what they’re aware of, they know it.That’s why we love nature and beauty, because in the moment we see the thing, we are sharing its nature. But where we’re sharing its nature is not outside where the object stands. We’re sharing its nature right in the center of us, within something that is created to be united with what we are aware of.It means that we have a feature of ourselves as human beings, a God-given quality, that makes it possible for us to look at another human being and in the moment that we look at that person, to know what he or she is going through, to taste the interior life of another man, another woman while we’re talking to them. And more important than that, to taste and understand inside of that other human being or inside of ourselves the actuality of their condition, their state.Can you see that inside of these ideas there is a completely different possible order of relationship? Have you ever been in an argument with someone, and right in the middle of whatever that cruel condition may have been, for some reason, you saw the person you were talking to? And the moment you saw what you were doing, not only did you not want to continue doing it, but you were sorry you started it to begin with? Why? Because in that moment, you tasted the human being instead of putting on that person what you needed to put on them to assure you that you knew the answer to the problem. A completely different order of relationship existed in that split second, and the root of it had to do with being aware of the person, meaning it had to do with the fact that here you were, and suddenly rather than just this outpouring, something came into you. Something about that other human being presented itself, and compassion was born.There is no compassion that exists on the order of unconscious relationship except for the fallacious compassion we use in order to make ourselves feel like we’re compassionate. Real compassion has to do with a person realizing the conscious order of relationships.Love exists, not as a theory, not as a concept, but as an actual condition that is the root of our very existence, which by its existence is trying to get us to wake up a little bit to enter into those relationships which make it possible for it to make our lives what they’re intended to be.Albert Einstein once said that: “A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”Life itself is relationship. There is nothing about the whole of the created universe, and the uncreated universe, that is not in relationship with itself. Nature shows us this interdependency that exists between all creatures, that all of these forces and energies that literally constitute the creation as we know it, are permanently inter-permeating, working in and amongst themselves to produce the phenomenal world we live in. Quantum physics now proves the existence of this totally independent, inter-related, constantly inter-acting existence called life of which we are a part. The problem is that human beings don’t see it that way.Between our known negative reactions towards those who we perceive to have offended us, and that healing/unknown love that restores us to the truth of each other, is hidden a kind of conscious changing ground… an inner realm whose entrance is gained by willing intention to Love, and whose sanctuary is won through self-sacrifice. That means, simply put, that between this world, this place where it would be possible for us to be in touch with what is in true relationship with another human being – between that world and the one that we are presently standing in — there is this place inwardly gained by our willing intention to love, to understand, and the sacrifice of ourselves to stay there.
If you are old enough to remember back in the day, (I mean the 70’s and before) starting with late elementary school, junior high school and then senior high school, relationships started for most of us. Of course, they didn’t last very long, a couple months was the longest without breaking up. You could get back together again, but you would break up again in less time than the first. By the time you finished high school you could have enough experience with relationships that you could actually be “IN LOVE” and a lot of people married their high school “sweethearts”. Or, you went on to meet and marry someone you met in college. Some of those marriages are still going strong today, others were not so fortunate. If you talk to the relationships that “made it”, they would tell you that they endured. They would also tell you that life is full of obstacles that must be hurdled and hard times that must be plowed through. They probably can even laugh about a lot of it now.Today we have a different issue. We are not allowed to have known relationships at school. No holding of hands in the hallways between classes, in fact, no physical contact at all. I remember my son liking a little girl in the 5th grade. He was sent to the office for bringing her a tiny box of those little sweet tart hearts for Valentine’s Day. On top of it, the entire 5th grade was advised that “there would be no relationships allowed and if the school found out someone was trying to be boyfriend and girlfriend they would be sent to the office and written up.” I felt terrible because I was the one who bought the candy for him to give to her.He is much older now. He has friends that are older than him. None of them have relationships with girls. I notice that there are many many people who are not capable of having any kind of long term relationship. It has always made me wonder if part of this is because they could not nurture those abilities at a younger age. They lack the ability to know a crush from love, from being attracted to actually liking the qualities of someone. The learning process has been removed until much later in life.Relationships seem to be very disposable these days. People get married, but marriages seem to last a significantly less amount of time. It is my observation that when obstacles present themselves, marriages end. When hard times happen, people look for “greener grass.” The thought process today seems to be “you hurt me therefore it must be over.” I’m not opposed to the idea that sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs (that’s a rule I lived by), but, being from back in the day, I know how to make my marriage work, and it works well.The internet (I won’t mention any particular sites) seems to be a great wrecker of marriages and relationships these days. That’s sad, because there are so many easy to use programs out there that can help people have Love and Long Lasting Relationships and actually learn HOW to make their marriage work, but they are not looking for those. If they are, they don’t know which ones to pick.T.W. Jackson has the right idea with “THE MAGIC OF MAKING UP”. It’s a little unconventional, but so are relationships today which means he nails it! No relationship is hopeless. A relationship by definition is “the connections between or among persons.” So, by definition, those connections can be saved. Something at a basic level created relationships that were able to grow into love or marriage. Life happens and those basic connections are lost in the day to day struggles of life, marriage, jobs, family and people lose site of what was really important to begin with.People can turn back the hands of time and find what was important in their relationships. Men can learn to understand women and women can learn to understand men. People have been putting their relationships back together for years. The question today is their the willingness to find the right answers. The answers are out there, you just need to look for the right ones. I think the only way our children will learn how to have relationships in their future is by watching their parents, so the parents need to figure out how to make their marriage/relationships work for their children’s future success. We are going to be their only teachers for this class, so we need to get it right.
Scientists have found that the hormone oxytocine, which causes the production of nursing mothers’ milk, makes men more sensitive and responsive and improves their sexual performance in bed. They claim that this new discovery might change the relationship between women and men.Oxytocine is a hormone which is produced naturally in men and women. It is involved in sexual attraction, and affects trust and mutual confidence. In pregnant women it stimulates the production of milk, and helps communicate with the child.It has been discovered that the hormone causes men to be more sensitive and connected to their feelings. This for sure can help improve relationships between men and their women partners.But you don’t need to buy this hormone in spray-form in order to become able to develop better intimate relationships.Sexual drive and performance in bed are only one side of successful and pleasurable intimacy. It is not the most important ingredient of intimacy; nor is it necessarily what makes intimacy work. It often happens that even when the sex is satisfying and pleasurable the partners often find themselves in endless arguments, conflicts and struggles. And more than that: research shows that many partners are not happy with their sex life. That sex and love don’t necessarily go hand in hand.Why do relationships fail? Relationships often failnot because of different sexual desires and/or performance. These are usually symptoms for other problems within the relationship, as well as justifications the partners use to explain their failure.Relationships often fail because the partners do not know how to compromise; how to accept each other as they are. Relationships fail because the partners do not realize how they sabotage their relationship: how they harm the intimacy with their attitudes, reactions and behaviors. Unable to acknowledge and accept their own responsibility for the failure of the relationship, they tend to blame each other.How can you become able to develop a satisfying relationship? You will be able to develop and maintain a satisfying relationship when you will get a grip on the specific ways in which you might be harming your relationships:* Are these fears and needs you are unaware of which drive you to react and behave with your partners in unhealthy and harmful ways?* Are these your attitudes and belief system which make you approach your partners and relationships awkwardly?* Are these false expectations and unrealistic fantasies you might have about partners and relationships which cause you to demand too much of your partners and the relationships and consequently become frustrated and disillusioned?All of these factors – and others – probably cause repeated arguments and conflicts between you and your partners (or drive you to stay single without becoming able to extend a date into a meaningful relationship).You don’t need to take hormones to have a successful relationship. You need Self-Awareness Your ability to develop a successful intimacy depends primarily on developing your Self-Awareness. When you develop Self-Awareness:* You become aware of the ways in which you shoot yourself in the foot in relationships;
* You then understand what changes you need to make in order to develop a successful intimacy.As you become Self-Aware, know and understand yourself better, you become able to develop and maintain a successful intimate relationship.The essence of a great intimacy is an open communication between the partners; coming towards each other; having mutual respect and understanding and “being there” for one another. Becoming Self-Aware of “who you are” and what drives your interactions with your partner will enable you to develop great intimacy.